Well, the HPDEB is away today. This means the Rid isn’t coming in. Secret lovers? Or does the Rid only show up at the office to bask in the warm glow of the HPDEB’s annihilating contempt? You decide.

Point being, I’ve been left alone with the KFP (Kung Fu Programmer). While he howls and hisses at his monitor, it’s time for me to take a look back at the week that was and fuck the dog for awhile.

The highlight has to be the presentation of our big development project to a potential sponsor. This was a relatively complex task, requiring an understanding of the development concept, the needs and knowledge base of the sponsor and the possibilities for a business plan. The HPDEB and I have spent the past month or so documenting these parameters and putting together mockups based on an initial understanding of the work. Disaster struck when the Rid decided to take over and present everything by himself.

It is perhaps important to note that the Rid has a sub-nickname - the Goldfish - due to his incapacity to remember significant details for more than 7-10 seconds. This typically leads to a predictable set of problems in a sales setting, but presents an entirely different challenge when discussing an initiative such as the one detailed above. The documentation for our plans exists to:

  • serve as a reference point for internal discussions
  • remind the Riddler of what the company is doing when he comes to work in the morning (i.e., we are not building electronic health records, working on the wait-time problem or synergizing virtual totem poles).

Despite our efforts, chaos ensued when the Rid tried to put together a presentation. First, he forgot that I had already written and built the presentation two weeks ago. When I reminded him, it broke down like this:

Riddler:
Why isn’t the presentation longer?
GHC:
You’ve seen this before…and you asked me to shorten it because you only have half an hour to present.
Riddler:
Why aren’t x,y,z references in here? I asked for those.
GHC:
They’re here. On slide 2. Right after the title slide.
Riddler:
What “handout” is slide 2 referencing?
GHC:
The full document we put together.
Riddler:
What document?
GHC:
The document you asked me to write over the past month. It’s the source for the presentation you’re looking at.

And so on and so forth… this is well-trodden territory. Point being, I knew we were screwed. I wasn’t prepared for exactly how screwed until the HPDEB showed me a note the Rid had passed him. It read (sic):

what are they looingin for

type in someone answeres

aggratage/ parse inteh info

all listed in teh canadaian strategyes

THEY WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS OUR PLAN - WE’RE DOWN THE ROAD

key buttons that will resonate

When HPDEB asked what he was supposed to do with the note and what it meant, the Rid said “Oh nothing, really. Open discussion. These are some of the points for my presentation.”

Later in the week, the Rid presented over the phone. I listened in and was tortured by the mangling of our work. HPDEB chose a different path and left the office till it was over.

God’s plan is ineffable and his hatred for us is infinite.

Commentary

Weeping..with…laughter…and…sadness…and hate…and rage…
- Shuh