The lobster poutine. So. Yes.

In the course of our duties, the HPDEB and I have to deal with Wormtongue’s assistant on an ongoing basis. She has been appointed our official contact on most matters. I’ll temporarily christen her Baracus.

Unfortunately, Baracus has had Wormtongue as a teacher in media development. Her level of incompetency is therefore unfortunately high. There was a period of time during which we attempted to teach her the ways of the multimedias…but over time she became increasingly annoying to deal with. A combination of frustration with her job, her management and her position in life has slowly morphed her from a fresh-faced, pleasant young woman into a bitter, annoying bureaucrat right before our eyes.

There are a number of amusing stories stemming from our dealing with her…. most of them are like the lobster poutine story.

Last Monday, prior to the launch mentioned below, Baracus called me to discuss a print brochure we had worked up for them. Our conversation went like this:

GHC:
GHC.
Baracus:
Hi, GHC, it’s Baracus.
GHC:
Oh. Hi.
Baracus:
So, how is it going?
GHC:
Not too bad. (awkward pause)
Baracus:
Did you have a nice weekend?
GHC: Yep. (long, awkward pause)
Baracus:
It was my boyfriend’s birthday this weekend, so we went to x restaurant. It’s this place in the underground of the financial district. Have you heard of it? (silence)
Baracus:
We ordered this amazing dish, it was lobster poutine. (silence)
Baracus:
You know? Like poutine made with lobster? It was absolutely amazing. I highly recommend it, we had such a great…
GHC:
So what can I help you with?
Baracus:
Oh…well, I can’t open these files you sent me last week. There’s something wrong with them.
GHC:
Which files?
Baracus:
Well, I can open the .tifs OK, but these other ones…the…eh…eye?…files…I can’t see what’s in them.
GHC:
Do you have a copy of Adobe Illustrator installed?
Baracus:
No.
GHC:
Well, those files can only bo opened in Illustrator. But don’t worry about it - those files are for your printer, remember?
Baracus:
Yes.
GHC:
You’ve already reviewed and signed off on the content of the files. Just send them on to your printer.
Baracus:
But you were supposed to make some changes to the content…
GHC:
Yes. Those were made. You reviewed them and signed off on them.
Baracus:
Oh yeah. Can you resend the review .pdfs?
GHC:
Uh…why?
Baracus:
Well, we realized last week that we’ve run overbudget on the launch. We can’t send anything else out for print, so we’re just going to do them in-house.
GHC:
Hmm. So you knew this before you asked me to prepare for a print run?
Baracus:
Yes. What I think I might do is….
GHC:
OK. I’ll send them over.

Nothing like having your eardrum forced into a lobster poutine story, even in the face of blatant disinterest.