The Riddler has always been obsessed with our shipping capabilities - to the point that he has paid a “consultant” to come in and spend the better part of a week integrating our UPS shipping process with our shitty contact management software.

I’ve probably had 10-20 conversations with him in the past year about shipping-related topics. He likes to regale me with the properties of different tubes and envelopes we have in stock.

No one has ever been clear on why this is such a big priority for us, given that we ship an average of less than one envelope a week. It seems to make him happy, but some of the corollary behaviour can become a bit odd…he has a strange kind of fawning relationship with the UPS guy who does our pickups. I’ve seen/overheard numerous conversations about the best way to affix labels to UPS packages, and the durable yet convenient functionality of the UPS Hard Pak. I would hazard a guess that the Rid spends a few hours a week, every week, fondling some aspect of our ability to move goods from one place to another.

His strange fetish continued to manifest today - it appears he’s thinking of cheating on UPS with FedEx. This is a source of amusement to HPDEB and myself as we’ve overheard the entire dialogue between the hapless FedEx sales rep and the Rid over the course of two separate meetings.

The Rid, in a bizarre attempt to appear more successful than he really is, is on the verge of buying a shipment package tied to a monthly fee that would make financial sense if we were shipping in excess of 50 shipments to various North American destinations a week. We’re probably averaging around 0.33 shipments a week.

Nonetheless, we’re on course to buy an expensive shipping package we don’t need because the Riddler desparately wants to impress a FedEx salesman and has put himself in a position where the only way he can back out is to admit we really don’t ship as much product as he has hinted at.